There is a tremendous amount of pressure as a teenager to lose your virginity, but strangely it was something I didn’t really take into consideration. A lot of people around me were having sex for years before I had even got close to the deed itself. I was 16 and had never had a proper boyfriend, I met a guy at a house party, he was a few years older than me and bad, bad news which made it all very exciting. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet the next weekend in the local park, as far as first dates go it was pretty bland, and, as I would soon find out, so was the rest of the relationship!! I think the highlight of the date was bumping into one of my teacher’s and trying to act like we were just friends. Despite the mundane nature of the relationship, we ended up dating for almost a year. During the relationship I never slept with him, I didn’t feel ready and I was brought up being told you should never do anything until you feel fully ready and comfortable. Something I forgot about quite quickly after this relationship. I don’t remember a lot about the relationship itself, but I do remember how it ended.
We were sat on the sofa watching Hollyoaks (of all shows) and someone was confessing to a lie in the scene, he suddenly turned to me and told me he was a liar. He didn’t expand on the comment so I asked him to explain, he went on to say he had lied the whole way through our relationship, he was only with me to lead me on and he had cheated on me so many times he had lost count. At this point I had stopped listening and just sat there trying to digest what was happening. My first breakup and I did not expect it to go like this. I remember feeling devastated and crying a lot but it was the feeling of embarrassment more than anything. I knew some of his friends knew and I felt embarrassed that I had been around them thinking everything was fine when they knew the truth. I’m not sure whether it was his actions or people’s reactions, that hurt most throughout this breakup.
I had a lot of people say to me “Well, what did you expect? If you weren’t giving it to him, of course he will get it somewhere else?”. Thankfully these comments weren’t made by anyone too close to me but it was enough for it to make me take full responsibility for the breakup and in my head excuse his behaviour completely. I think it was here, where my picture on what relationships and sex was all about, completely changed.
A year or so later, after I really had lost complete association with feelings and sex, I bumped in to him in a local club on a drunken night, I was out with my friends and he was out with his. We chatted away and carried on drinking a lot more and ended up in my car which was parked not far from the club. I barely remember anything and memories feel more like little flash card images but I know we had sex and the final humiliation was that he left me there with the car door open for anyone to find me practically unconscious from too much alcohol. Thankfully it was one of my friends who did. I haven’t spoken with him since but a friend bumped into him at the doctors with his pregnant girlfriend. Not the most glamorous of stories, but I did tell you I would be honest.